Monday, 6 January 2014

I've played all my cards

I always seem to get inspiration for a blog post, a film, a book at night. I don't know whether it's because nothing else around me is happening and it's only me, my bed and my thoughts but I always regret never writing them down (I'm lazy) because I never remember them the next day. Who knows, I could have the answer to the meaning of life but I don't remember it. Sometimes I write notes on my phone when I have a blog post idea and I checked just now but all it has is films I want to watch, books I want to read and Christmas present ideas (how selfish). This isn't going to be one of those cheesy 'new year, new me' things because I've been a new person for seventeen years now and I'm bored. Now I have to focus on A Levels.

I have all my offers for University. How daunting is that? They've given me grades that I need to achieve by the end of the year but I don't want to think about that. I need to stop thinking about the future and take each day as it comes. Whenever someone says that, I don't really understand what they mean. We all go through each day, we can't ever skip one. 'Live in the moment' is such a cheesy saying that I'm cringing just thinking about it. You can't 'live in the fucking moment' without what happened in the past and what will happen in the future. I'm sick of thinking about what I will achieve when I'm older. What I want to be. Who I want to become. University is a place where people assume their prospects are so high, that everything will work out for them. But as soon as you leave, it's like leaving out the back of a building where it's all dark and mouldy and stinks of shit.

I'm not being a pessimist. I can't wait for University and the opportunities and all that crap but at the moment I want to take advantage of the fact that I'm still technically a child. I have my parents and friends. I don't feel like that's an unhealthy thought. So many people want to grow up but I'm the opposite, I would happily stay dependent on my mum but I know one day I'll have to walk through the door to the back of the building. But for now, I want to listen to Abba on my new record player and read all the shit books that make me happy and watch my favourite films.

I hope we all had a good Christmas. I go on YouTube a lot and so many people are doing the 'what they got for christmas' thing. I don't care. I just want to know if everyone was well. If you missed anyone. If the food was amazingggg. I also hope you had a good New Years. I spent mine with my friends. This will be the last New Year where we're all living in the same place and I'm not sure we're ready. I don't think anyone is ready for University, you just have to do it. I could easily be a hermit and stay in my bed and have no social interactions but you just have to do things to be a human being.

Oh yeah, I also really want to change my blog url because it's embarrassing but then isn't it really complicated to do? Don't you lose all your followers or something? 

All pictures from Tumblrrrrrrr.


  1. Thinking about the future is probably the most anxiety causing thing in my life right now, and most of it is caused by my parents or family constantly reminding me that most of what I'm doing now is to prepare myself for the future. I'm very sorry and hope you get through any university anxiety and get to really enjoy your time before college. I didnt really get anything for Christmas but it was nice spending the holidays with my family and gorging myself on food.


    1. (sorry for the long comment) I changed my URL a while ago, you don't lose any of your Google followers, but you do have to re-register on bloglovin and maybe use your former URL to make a blog that just announces what you changed it to.

  2. great post. you should watch the music vid for take it as it comes by vivian girls. cool i got a record pplayer and have been jamming to arrival by abba.


    1. Yes another Abba fan! I got super trouper haha
      That video made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, I love the girl power coming off it. Thanks for the recommendation.


Have a comment? Type away!